The Greatest Thing…

2nd November, 2010 - Posted by Kirsten - No Comments

Love. It is a word we most likely hear at least once every day. “I love you.” “I love when that happens.” “She doesn’t’ love me anymore.” “I love the Giants!” “Love is a many splendored thing”. “For God so loved the world…” It is at the core of our being and one of the things that makes us uniquely human: not only the ability but the need to give and receive love. In Baz Luhrman’s 2001 movie musical Moulin Rouge, the entire film hinged on one song lyric: “The greatest thing you’ll ever learn, is just to love and be loved in return.”

Interesting, the inclusion of the word “learn”. If God is love (1 John 4: 8), and we are created in His image, then love, it would follow, is something that should come naturally to all of us. Regardless of one’s faith or religious practice, we are all imbued with the stamp of the Creator, and we all have a radar, a honing device if you will, for that thing called love. Why would we need to learn it?

If only it were that simple. Sadly, due to the broken nature of our world, our ability to give and receive healthy, life-giving love is flawed and broken as well. Our hearts and souls need and deeply long for the love of friends, parents, siblings, husbands, wives, partners, a community outside of ourselves. The wounding we’ve each personally experienced makes the authentic expression and receiving of love profoundly difficult, and in some cases, almost impossible.

So, the word “learn” is appropriate. While we’ll never be able to love perfectly the way Jesus did, we can learn and heal our way back to a more solid, intimate way of relating, of loving. This involves conscious effort and choice, and it always involves another person. We can’t learn to love in isolation. We were designed to be in relationship with other people, and like anything, we can’t learn love and intimacy unless we are in the position to practice it. This practice might involve therapy, a 12-step group, a mentor, spiritual director, pastor, or a caring friend or relative.

Healthy love and relating also begins with the ability to offer love and grace to oneself. The more kindness and grace we offer ourselves, the more we’ll be able to offer kindness and grace to others. That said, the practice of self-grace and love is easier said than done, depending on the level of relational pain one has experienced. Again, a safe relationship within which to explore that pain can be a path towards healing, as well as meditating on the love the Father has for us.

As God’s children, we are designed for healthy, loving relationships. More than that, we need them. God delights in seeing us thrive in community and love with one another. To that end, let us strive to be the kind of people who are able to provide that love and freely receive it as well. Our lives will surely be all the richer.

- Kirsten Harnett, M.S., M.F.T.