10 Reasons Why You’ll Find Pre-marital (or Pre-Engagement) Counseling Helpful

13th March, 2015 - Posted by admin - No Comments

During the spring season, it’s common for couples that are planning weddings to consider their relationship health and search for a pre-marital therapist at our therapy group. Thankfully, my caseload is the fullest it’s been due to this season! So here are some reasons why I think you might consider partnering with a therapist when you’ve decided to commit to your current relationship, or maybe when you’re trying to decide IF to commit!

1. The wedding is just one wonderful day, but the marriage is years filled with both wonderful and hard days

2. Issues are easier to deal with when you’ve made a plan and communicated in advance

3. Couples who are willing to learn and grow together have a much better chance at having a happy relationship

4. A neutral third party can help to best explore different aspects of your relationship

5. Sex doesn’t happen like it does in Hollywood

6. It’s more natural to always tell your spouse what they’re not doing versus learning to communicate your relationships needs and desires

7. Unfinished business is brought to your relationship from your nuclear family and previous romantic relationships

8. Merging 2 different people’s cash, debt, and spending habits is not a straightforward process

9. Often opposites attract which leads to different perspectives and approaches

10. It’s like getting a preventative check-up from a doctor versus receiving medicine when there’s already a problem.

~Our therapy group also works with pre-engagement couples since that can be an even more beneficial time to explore a couple’s developing relationship. In other words, it’s before wedding contracts and deposits have been made. Don’t hesitate to contact us if you feel like you could benefit from this support.

by Stephanie Gluch, Marriage & Family Therapist Intern

June – Wedding & Anniversary Month

30th June, 2011 - Posted by Myrna - No Comments

June has come and gone and so now would be a good time for couples to assess their marriage and consider ways to enrich their relationship. A key area that may need attention is unmet expectations.

Most couples go into marriage with countless expectations. Many are discussed prior to the marriage, but many expectations are out of the couplesʼ awareness until the time comes when a particular expectation is not met. Disappointment can set in if the expectation is not discussed. If the disappointment is discussed, but there is disagreement and no resolution, then a small resentment gets lodged. Without resolution, the issue will likely come up again and again. Resentment will continue to build. It is these unmet expectations that can lead to a very conflictual or unsatisfying relationship.

If a couple does not have the needed skills to navigate their differences in expectations and needs, itʼs time to get some help. Getting help sooner is better than later – before patterns of conflict get ingrained in the relationship. It seems that very few couples go into marriage with the needed conflict resolution skills. They can be learned. A good way to view gaining the skills is to consider how one would go about gaining skill or competence in any area – sports, technology, language, cooking, etc. First, the couple needs to gain knowledge about the skills and then they need to practice until there is a level of competence. As with any new skill it takes time and commitment to master the skills. Itʼs important not to let pride prevent one from pursuing the needed skills to make a marriage work.

Where does a couple go to find help? Sometimes a pastor or mature couple can come alongside to coach the couple. There are communication skills workbooks available for couples to work through together. Many psychotherapists are able help couples gain the needed skills in counseling sessions.

If your marriage is lacking the skills to navigate conflict and differences, donʼt let another anniversary go by without getting help.

-Myrna L. Klassen, M.A.
Marriage & Family Therapist