In 2 Corinthians 12, Paul says, “I must go on boasting.”  Boasting about what?  How his effective speaking led a great number of Jews and Gentiles to belief in Christ or how the Lord enabled him to do miraculous signs and wonders? (Acts 14:3)  No. Paul is referring to boasting about his weaknesses and suffering.  Wait a minute.  This was new and different teaching for me and very different from the world’s perspective on boasting.  Don’t people tend to hide weakness and avoid suffering?  Paul says, “But He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you for my power is made perfect in weakness.’  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” (2 Corinthians 12:9-10).  Paul’s focus is entirely on God.  It is God’s grace and power that we boast about.  We no longer need to be ashamed of our weaknesses or avoid any suffering.  For the sake of Christ and through Christ we find the strength and courage to face our difficulties.  For when I am weak, then I am strong in Christ.  Praise the Lord!

- Cindy Sung, Associate Clinical Social Worker

One of the benefits of therapy is that of exploring your own story so that you know with
clarity and confidence “where you came from.” The beliefs we form as children about
ourselves and about the world we live in can be accurate or misleading, life-giving or
destructive. Exploring your story helps you to decide which beliefs you need to keep
(because they’re true) and which you want to replace (because they are not accurate or
helpful).

Cultural, spiritual, educational, and family influences remain powerful throughout our
lives. Early relationships with parents, siblings, relatives, and friends give us our sense
of identity. If I know “where I came from,” I’m in a better position to see “where I need
to go.” Processing all this with someone who sees and understands me can be life-
changing.

Jesus clearly heard his Father say, “You are my dearly loved son, and you bring me
great joy” (Luke 3:22 NLT). May we give that same assurance to our own children, our
spouses, our grandchildren, and all those in our circle of love. Don’t under-estimate the
power you have to give the gift of significance and meaning to someone else. It can make
a big difference in where that person is “going.”

- Martha Saul, LMFT

CHRISTIAN PSYCHOTHERAPY SERVICES

Invites You to a

TOPICAL DISCUSSION & LUNCHEON

Understanding the Needs of Each Child

Working with Families Who Have Children with Special/Mental Health Needs

Presenter: Elizabeth Abidoye, Psy.D.

When: Tuesday, September 20, 2011, 11:30AM to 1:00 PM

Where: 1100 Sanchez Street in Noe Valley, San Francisco

Directions to CPS: http://www.sfchristiancounseling.com/location.htm

Who: Pastors, spouses, child care workers, support staff, & lay leaders

What: Enjoy a casual lunch

Meet the CPS Staff & other ministry leaders

Engage in discussion on supporting children and families

Topic Specifics:

Overview of childhood mental health disorders

Approach to providing mental health services to children and families

Guidance on how to make a referral for mental health services for a child/family in my congregation

Tips on talking to children & families

RSVP by Friday 9/16/11 by calling (415) 764-0252 or info@sfchristiancounseling.com

(Please note: There was a typo in our mailing but the correct email address is INFO@SFChristianCounseling.com)

Introducing a New Member of Our CPS Team: Elizabeth Abidoye, Psy.D.

Dr. Elizabeth Abidoye received her doctoral degree in clinical psychology from the Illinois School of Professional Psychology/Argosy University-Chicago.  She specializes in working with children, adolescents, and families and also has experience in working with individual adults.

Dr. Abidoye has worked with individuals from diverse backgrounds, who are struggling with many different issues.  Some of her areas of specialty include abuse and trauma, peer/relational issues, school difficulties, anxiety, depression, self-esteem/body image, and play/expressive therapy.

Dr. Abidoye also provides psychological testing services, which can be utilized alone or in conjunction with therapy.  More specifically, she specializes in psychological testing for children and adolescents, including psycho-educational testing to aid in identifying individual strengths and weaknesses in order to assist in helping children succeed academically to the best of their ability.

Dr. Abidoye is married and together with her husband belong to a church community in San Francisco.

Thank you and hope to see you then.

Blessings,

Christian Psychotherapy Services

“You don’t think enough” or “Stop thinking so much”

The challenge for many people is to find the right balance between over-thinking and under-thinking so that they can use their minds to solve the problems of living.  Some people act without thinking (“impulsive”), while others think a lot without acting (“obsessive”).   Sometimes our thinking is fueled by our emotions and we can’t think rationally – as when someone says something that wounds us and we can’t get that out of our minds.  Often our emotions are fueled by negative thinking and we can’t get out of a bad mood state – as when we respond to an innocuous comment by interpreting it as a slight against us.   Both scenarios lead to perpetual emotional and mental gridlock.

What are some things that we can do to break through this gridlock?

Take a break from thinking by doing something different like going for a walk or some other physical activity often helps.  Being in a different environment, such as being outside and around nature can also allow the brain to reset and create new space for fresh thoughts and other feelings.  Finding a good friend to listen to you and invite them to help you evaluate your thinking can also be beneficial.   This can make all the difference in getting unstuck so that you can get some clarity about a problem or so that you can know how to proceed in repairing a rupture in a relationship.

Finally, remember the wisdom that comes from God whose thoughts are higher than our thoughts.  The Proverbs reminds us that “so as he thinks in his heart, so he is.” (Proverbs 23:7, Amplified Bible).    The Apostle Paul  encourages us with what to focus our minds upon:  “filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse (Philippians 4:8,  Message paraphrase).   Let us follow the advice given to young Timothy, and use the sound mind that the Good Lord has given us.

Written by Dr. Sam B Leong, Ph.D.

I mean a few things, but I’ll start by sharing one concrete suggestion: Renew your mind by focusing on changing one thought at a time (removing a destructive one, while replacing it with a constructive one).

Why even try?

Because what you think about daily matters.  It affects your body, your spirit, your heart – and it affects those around you.  Your thoughts can lift you up and energize you, or they can drag you down and paralyze you.

So, how do we start?

Start small and start simple.  Take a look at what fills your mind each day – what are you thinking about? where do your thoughts originate and where do they end? Perhaps most importantly, where do they lead you – mentally and behaviorally – as you relate to yourself and others? Are your thoughts mostly negative? positive? reasonable? delusional? real? destructive or constructive? healthy or unhealthy? life-producing or self-defeating? self-sabotaging? Are you constantly thinking about what OTHERS are thinking? Are you constantly frustrated or annoyed at someone else, at yourself, at the world?

Our well-being is often determined by what our thoughts are filled with – so try it out for today.

1. Take an inventory of your thoughts – what are you thinking about most of the day? Try to summarize and place these thoughts into 3-5 main topics.

2. Now, what do you wish/want to be thinking MORE about during your day? List 3-5 main topics.

3. Set ONE goal for your day ahead.  What ONE main topic are you going to FOCUS on today? Meditating on this thought will now replace other thoughts that used to take up your time.  (Of course this is going to take TIME, and you may have to focus on this one goal every single day for a month.)

The act of “Setting a Goal” for yourself each morning, even if it’s only 1 per day, and even if the goal feels a bit strange and intangible (i.e. think about ____ today), has proven to be extremely beneficial and effective in transforming a person’s day.

Write it down when you wake up in the morning, and remind yourself a few times a day of it.  Even if it doesn’t feel like it’s helping at first, you might be surprised.

Example.  You may want to think more about a friend you can encourage or a family member, about finding a volunteer opportunity, or about why yesterday’s conversation at work felt so productive, or the last time your relationship felt particularly fruitful… it can be anything.  Just allow yourself to spend a good 5 minutes thinking and reflecting about the issue/topic.  See how it goes! And remember: the key is to keep it positive and keep it focused on something that breathes life into your spirit rather than something that exhausts you or depletes your energy.

Be an encouragement and an encourager for yourself.

Take it one thought at a time.

-Christine Chiu, MFT

Most couples go into marriage with countless expectations. Many are discussed prior to the marriage, but many expectations are out of the couplesʼ awareness until the time comes when a particular expectation is not met. Disappointment can set in if the expectation is not discussed. If the disappointment is discussed, but there is disagreement and no resolution, then a small resentment gets lodged. Without resolution, the issue will likely come up again and again. Resentment will continue to build. It is these unmet expectations that can lead to a very conflictual or unsatisfying relationship.

If a couple does not have the needed skills to navigate their differences in expectations and needs, itʼs time to get some help. Getting help sooner is better than later – before patterns of conflict get ingrained in the relationship. It seems that very few couples go into marriage with the needed conflict resolution skills. They can be learned. A good way to view gaining the skills is to consider how one would go about gaining skill or competence in any area – sports, technology, language, cooking, etc. First, the couple needs to gain knowledge about the skills and then they need to practice until there is a level of competence. As with any new skill it takes time and commitment to master the skills. Itʼs important not to let pride prevent one from pursuing the needed skills to make a marriage work.

Where does a couple go to find help? Sometimes a pastor or mature couple can come alongside to coach the couple. There are communication skills workbooks available for couples to work through together. Many psychotherapists are able help couples gain the needed skills in counseling sessions.

If your marriage is lacking the skills to navigate conflict and differences, donʼt let another anniversary go by without getting help.

-Myrna L. Klassen, M.A.
Marriage & Family Therapist

When I mentioned “horse therapy,” as we affectionately call it at DreamPower, I was referring to Equine Facilitated Psychotherapy (EFP for short).  “Equine Facilitated Psychotherapy (EFP) is an experiential therapy in which equines are integral partners in a treatment process that provides the client with opportunities to enhance self-awareness and re-pattern maladaptive behaviors, feelings and attitudes.”

I’m not sure that definition helped very much, so let me try and explain things a little more.  “Equines” includes horses, donkeys, mules and zebras. At DreamPower, we currently have ten riding horses, three miniature horses and one miniature donkey on our equine staff.  The horses (and the mini donkey) help to make the psychotherapy happen.

But what does that mean? And how do horses help people to get better?

Because EFP is an experiential form of therapy, the client and the therapist work together to examine feelings and actions that are happening at that very moment, not only talking about something the clients reports happening in the past.  The client has the opportunity to examine and understand the triggers to emotions and maladaptive behavioral patterns, and then is immediately offered the opportunity to practice other, more helpful behaviors in a safe, therapeutic environment.

Because horses are herd animals and they want to relate to others, horses respond to human moods and emotions, as well as behaviors.  This gives the human client a living, breathing (and sometimes snorting) mirror into herself.  The horse influences the human and the human influences the horse.  Looking into an equine mirror can help the human client develop self-awareness, self-control and a deeper understanding of non-verbal communication.

Because horses are fun, clients are motivated to attend therapy.  Therapeutic work can involve examining painful emotions and uncomfortable situations.  Many clients find extra motivation to participate in this difficult but rewarding process when they are accompanied by a kind and understanding horse.

The therapist’s tasks during an EFP session are to facilitate the communication that is continuously flowing from the horse to the human and from the human to the horse.  The therapist teaches the client new skills that allow him to interact with the horse in a safe and effective way.  The therapist also facilitates the client’s self-awareness while working around the horse by encouraging the client to verbalize thoughts and feelings, by drawing parallels between the client’s relationship with the horse and the client’s relationships in general, and by helping the client to transform the client’s experiences with the horse into changes in his or her life.

EFP happens in a barn setting.  This is very different from therapy in a traditional temperature-controlled office with a closed door.  We refer to EFP in a barn setting as “milieu therapy.”  That means that everything in the therapeutic (barn) environment can be a part of the therapy, including: flies, smells, horse manure, volunteers, the horses, the weather, the barn rules, the hay, the barn cat, when a horse gets sick, and on it goes.  Everything at the barn is potentially involved in the therapeutic process.

Some issues commonly addressed in equine facilitated psychotherapy include: trust, family relationships, self-control, attention and hyper-activity, communication patterns, social skills, past physical or sexual abuse, posttraumatic stress, anxiety, depression, empathy and compassion, health concerns, assertiveness, leadership and decision-making skills.

As a Christian therapist, working with horses provides another wonderful window into our amazing God.  The intricacies of a horse’s body and the exquisite sensitivities of a horse’s personality show me how infinitely creative and detail-oriented our God is.  I am grateful for my days at the barn, when the wonder of the natural world and the order of the universe surround me and continually point to a loving, creative God who cares about each one of us and is at work in the details of our lives every day.

For more information about Equine Facilitated Psychotherapy, please contact Martha McNiel, LMFT at (415) 586-2976 or (408) 686-0535 or visit www.dreampowerhorsemanship.com.

Presented by Colleen Lam Nguyen, M.A., Marriage and Family Therapist Intern

The human story is not unlike Spring. A baby is born while a loved one passes away. A couple celebrates their wedding while the mother of the groom is under going chemotherapy for the seventh time. Pain and Joy are not immune to one another. They occur on parallel tracks, often traveling together, hand in hand.

How does one live in this space of two distinct and powerful emotions?

Walking through the Pain toward Renewal and Hope.

I am still struck by rainbows. Its fabric and nature is dependent on the rain and the sun. Its essence is the reflection of light alone. If it were not for the rainy darkness would there ever be a need for renewal?
If it were not for the sunlight, would we ever hope?

-Colleen Lam Nguyen, M.A., MFT Intern