27th March, 2011 - Posted by Kirsten - No Comments
Being American is often associated with a particular spirit and attitude towards life. It isn’t uncommon to connect being American with words like independent, busy, resilient, successful, dreams, achievement, hopeful, brash, optimistic. Our country was hard-fought and won through the embodiment of many of these characteristics, and it makes sense that our original spirit would be present today, not only in those born here but in the many who journeyed from far away to make this country their home. In many ways these words have grown past simple symbolism to become values in and of themselves – ideals to live out as fully and authentically as possible. And why not? Why shouldn’t we desire to be independent, successful, and hopeful? Why shouldn’t we work hard and make use of the opportunities afforded us that would be more difficult to come by elsewhere?
We should, as long as those values don’t become unbalanced or obsessive. It is good to work, good to set goals, and good to realize our God-given talents and gifts. However, in American culture (Bay Area culture in particular) we err on the side of relentless activity and hard work to the point that if one isn’t constantly moving, texting, working, or studying, there is the assumption of laziness or ineptitude. One only has to look at the work life of a Silicon Valley tech engineer or the average Bay Area high school student to realize that achievement and success in American culture often come at a steep price: sleepless nights, over-booked schedules, compromised personal relationships, and anxiety, to name a short few.
To have a healthy emotional life, balance is critical. We need to slow down, be still and quiet. Jesus’ life was an excellent model (perfect, actually) of how one can have an active life and yet make time for personal reflection and spiritual fulfillment. Jesus’ ministry was full and overwhelming. As he connected with more and more people, encountered conflict with religious leaders, and mentored his disciples he was living the life God had planned for him, yet grew fatigued nonetheless. These were the moments, regularly referenced in the Gospels, when Jesus “withdrew to a quiet place”. He prayed, sought God’s wisdom and guidance, and was still. Whenever possible he found space to reconnect with himself and with his Father, knowing it was the only way to be healthy and grounded in the life God had called him to.
Throughout scripture God regularly instructs us in the importance of quiet and solitude. In addition to the example of Jesus, in Psalm 46:10 God says, “Be still and know that I am God.” In 1 Kings 19:12 God is found not in wind, earthquake, or fire, but in a quiet whisper. God clearly places high value on the importance of quiet, so why do we routinely run from it in the opposite direction? Often it is because in silence we are forced to connect with the deeper, more authentic feelings that churn under the surface of our busy, chaotic lives. In prolonged, reflective silence we might be faced with the reality of loneliness, insecurity, fears of failure, relational brokenness, anger, or unmet longings lost in the wake of work and social obligation.
It is difficult to face these realities. They force us to tolerate unpleasant feelings we’d rather ignore. Yet in practicing prayerful silence each day (even just ten minutes) and by inviting God into the process we allow ourselves the privilege of self-knowing on a deeper level. Acknowledging the complex truths of who we are enables us to deal consciously with our pain and hurt rather than distracting from them with work, activity, or certain forms of self-medication. God honors the courage to be real, both with Him and with ourselves, and in doing so we can more fully become all He intended us to be.
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Note: In light of the current economic situation I want to acknowledge that some have experienced an unintentional stillness in their lives due to the reality of job loss. For many, American life has changed radically in the last two years. This blog post references a general type of rushed lifestyle known to many Americans (but not all), and in no way intends to diminish the hopes and dreams of those who pray for work and busyness of any kind. My hope is that silence and stillness will play a role in the lives of all those seeking God’s voice, and that in doing so He will make peace and stability abundantly known.
Kirsten Harnett, M.S., M.F.T.
27th January, 2011 - Posted by admin - No Comments
Christian Psychotherapy Services
invites you to attend a
TOPICAL DISCUSSION and LUNCHEON
. . . .
Single in the City
Presenter: Kirsten Harnett, LMFT
When: February 8, 2011, 11:30am – 1:00pm
Where: 1100 Sanchez St., San Francisco, CA 94114
Directions to CPS: http://sfchristiancounseling.com/location.htm
Who: Pastors, spouses, support staff, and lay leaders are welcome
What: Enjoy a casual lunch, meet CPS staff and other ministry leaders
Topical Discussion:
Dating. Love. Desire. Intimacy. Marriage. The majority of Christian singles say they want to experience the joy and fulfillment embodied in each of the above words, yet many are finding themselves unexpectedly single into their 30′s, 40′s and beyond. In this presentation we’ll explore:
• How church leaders and staff can better care for their single congregants and promote a sense of place and belonging.
• Some of the variables that create complexity in the world of Christian dating.
• Tools that can help men and women cope with the difficulty of being single into their middle adult years and the pain of unfulfilled longing and desire.
• The importance of single men and women claiming an identity as God’s beloved sons and daughters, and how this identity is crucial to knowing peace and contentment in the single life.
RSVP no later than Feb. 4th to (415) 764-0252 or info@sfchristiancounseling.com
. . . .
About Kirsten Harnett, LMFT
Kirsten Harnett, M.S., is a graduate of Fuller Theological Seminary’s Marriage and Family Therapy program, and specializes in the areas of adulthood singleness and adolescent issues. She completed her internship at Community Health Awareness Council (CHAC) in Mt. View, CA, during which time she counseled students at Los Altos High School throughout the 2008-2009 school year, and worked extensively with families and adult individuals at the CHAC clinic. Prior to returning to school for her MFT, she worked for 4 years in Los Angeles as an associate producer and researcher in the entertainment industry. She finds her church home at Menlo Park Presbyterian on the Peninsula where she met Jesus as a child many years ago.
26th January, 2011 - Posted by Colleen - No Comments
Change can cause anxiety and stress. When these changes happen to you it can feel like you are losing control of the life that you were comfortable with. We are a group of mental health professionals from Christian Psychotherapy Services who understand the stress that comes with major life changes and want to help people go through these transitions with more ease. This series is meant to provide you with awareness of the common issues that come up at each stage of life so that you can be better equipped to handle the change. After you read through the descriptions of each talk, contact us for more information on how to offer this workshop series to your congregants.
TRANSITIONS IN MARRIAGE
This seminar covers the major transitions in marriage and the challenges of developing a healthy marriage. Material includes a biblical model of marriage, a model of a maturing relationship, a life cycle perspective of marriage focusing on marital satisfaction, the findings from marriage research on what contributes to the deterioration of marital satisfaction, and the two secrets of a happy marriage.
TRANSITIONS IN PARENTHOOD:
An interactive and educational workshop addressing varying aspects of transitioning into parenthood, including what to expect and how cultural values can influence this special, joyful, and often stressful time in people’s lives.”
HANDLING TRANSITIONS
This workshop aims to create awareness of the different types of transitions; their impact on the person and family functioning; and to look at healthy ways of handling the accompanying stresses.
TRANSITIONS IN AGING
The objectives for this seminar is to describe key components of healthy aging, highlight some of the challenges in aging process, and discuss resources to deal with the challenges.
3rd December, 2010 - Posted by Colleen - No Comments
Announcing a New
Growth Group:
“Journey towards Authenticity”
Have you ever wanted to understand what it means to have an authentic relationship?
Would you like to reach your personal growth goals in a safe place?
…this growth group may be for you or those you minster to…
Facilitated by
Colleen Lam Nguyen, M.A., MFT Intern
Christian Psychotherapy Services
10 week Closed Co-Ed Group
Saturdays January 22—March 26th, 2011
11:00am-12:30pm
No obligation
Informational Session:
Jan. 15th, 11am-12pm
RSVP by Jan 5th, 2011
Cost: $10 a session
*total of $100 for entire 10 week group
*includes 30 minute initial interview
*due on January 22nd/first group session
Christian Psychotherapy Services
1100 Sanchez Street
San Francisco, CA, 94114
www.sfchristiancounseling.com
RSVP to:
Phone: 415-763-8072
E-mail: colleen.mft@gmail.com
18th November, 2010 - Posted by Colleen - No Comments
The Holidays are fast approaching, between the hustle and bustle of the World Series and trying to get that November Election ballot in, Holiday Season is creeping in fast. The stores have all their decorations up and the onslaught of sales paraphernalia have already been mailed out to fastidious buyers.
What sorts of feelings come about when you think of the Holidays? Perhaps there is a bit of stress and apprehension. Gatherings with families can bring with it a variety of mixed emotions and feelings. And with all the swiftness of time that carries no mercy, the festivities begin.
Good intentions collide with misunderstood comments driven by the stress of getting everything just right and tasting simply delicious. Old wounds are torn open and begin to bleed. This may sound dismal, but nevertheless, a reality to many every year. But there is hope.
The Family system can be likened to an infant’s hanging mobile: forever held together by one wire with a series of attachments, you can strike one character and the rest of the little participants move either violently or ever so slightly – either way, every single one is affected. Small changes can make a large impact. A change within one person can lead to a shift on the outside toward a loved one. That one piece of empathy toward a family member can shake the system so deeply that a domino effect of love and compassion can be felt throughout.
(more…)
17th November, 2010 - Posted by admin - No Comments
Society puts quite a premium on perfection, for good reason. Perfection fascinates and inspires. I am particularly drawn to the symmetry and complexity of buildings, bridges, and visual art, often staring at such creations with awe and wonder at how such perfection was achieved.
In addition to architecture and art, perfection is expected in vocations where the slightest mistake could be tragic. This is no less true for anyone than it is for surgeons. Surgeons strive for perfection from the moment they make their first incision to the moment they suture the exposed insides of someone’s body. When performing something as invasive as surgery, one can do great harm and when the rare mistake is made, the consequences could be just as great. Part of me feels badly for surgeons because they are, after all, human. The other part of me is comforted to know that they have such high standards because if they didn’t, I may think twice before seeking medical treatment.
All this to say that there is validity in striving for perfection. Surgeons strive for perfection. However, it is best kept contained within the context of their work. Outside of their profession, it would likely be too draining for them to maintain such high standards of living in everything they do.
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17th November, 2010 - Posted by Sam - No Comments
Being a student of human behavior and psychology for the past 30 plus years, I am convinced that one of the deepest human needs is the need to be known; to have someone know you. I am not referring to knowing just facts ‘n’ stuff about you, but to knowing what is going on inside in your soul. (Soul is another word for psyche – that non-physical part of you where your thoughts, feelings, and will reside.) Our soul is that deep part of ourselves – where we feel and think late at night when everyone goes to sleep and we are all alone. Someone has referred to this need to be known and seen as – “into me see”. Would you please look into me and see me?
But our need does not just stop at being known and seen, but to be accepted for who we are. One of the greatest fears from our childhood is that of being rejected and disapproved of. So here we have the dilemma: to be known or to hide and defend against being known. “I want you to know me, but I am afraid that you may not like me, so I will not show you who I really am.”
The resolution for this inner conflict is found in the safety of the unconditional love that the great songwriter David reminds us of in Psalms 139. Here David sets forth the extent to which God know us – our every thought, our very words before we speak or text them.
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2nd November, 2010 - Posted by Kirsten - No Comments
Love. It is a word we most likely hear at least once every day. “I love you.” “I love when that happens.” “She doesn’t’ love me anymore.” “I love the Giants!” “Love is a many splendored thing”. “For God so loved the world…” It is at the core of our being and one of the things that makes us uniquely human: not only the ability but the need to give and receive love. In Baz Luhrman’s 2001 movie musical Moulin Rouge, the entire film hinged on one song lyric: “The greatest thing you’ll ever learn, is just to love and be loved in return.”
Interesting, the inclusion of the word “learn”. If God is love (1 John 4: 8), and we are created in His image, then love, it would follow, is something that should come naturally to all of us. Regardless of one’s faith or religious practice, we are all imbued with the stamp of the Creator, and we all have a radar, a honing device if you will, for that thing called love. Why would we need to learn it?
If only it were that simple. Sadly, due to the broken nature of our world, our ability to give and receive healthy, life-giving love is flawed and broken as well. Our hearts and souls need and deeply long for the love of friends, parents, siblings, husbands, wives, partners, a community outside of ourselves. The wounding we’ve each personally experienced makes the authentic expression and receiving of love profoundly difficult, and in some cases, almost impossible.
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30th September, 2010 - Posted by Colleen - No Comments
25th August, 2010 - Posted by admin - No Comments
Announcement: Women’s Group
For women age 35 and up (single, married, divorced or in a relationship)
Meetings will be held on Mondays 7:00 – 8:30 pm at the CPS offices.
September 20 – November 15 (8 sessions; no meeting November 1st)
$475 group fee; $100 deposit to reserve your spot
The balance is due at the first meeting. Payments may be arranged.
Fee includes a 30 minute individual intake appointment with Martha McNiel, LMFT.
Group will be limited to 8 women.
• connect with other women
• find and create support with others who understand
• discuss life dreams and goals
• identify your gifts, talents and “growing edges”
• identify relationship patterns that work and those that do not work
• identify current sources of stress and how to find more support
• explore how to shape your life in the direction of your dreams
• explore how to create more happiness and satisfaction in your life
For more information please call Martha McNiel at 415-586-2976 or email her at
marthamcniel@hotmail.com.
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